Safety in a Pack
When you see a pack of antelope on the Discovery Channel prancing through the forest – it’s never the one in the pack that becomes lunch. It’s the one off doing their own thing that gets picked out of the teeth of some lion later.
Very rarely, if ever, are you going to do something stupid if surrounded by friends. So find good friends and stay together.
If you think about it, the biggest pressure can be: who do I invite and what are the expectations of the invite? So what if it’s not even a date, what if it’s a party? Group dates and groups events are fantastic. You just invite people to come. But you’re not inviting people you’re interested in; you’re just inviting people that would be fun to have at the party. And then you just hang out. There’s not that awkwardness of the two of you at dinner, and who is buying, and now you’re at the front porch – do we kiss or do we not?
Stay in Public
Nobody ever falls morally at Denny’s. It’s not like someone finishes their double stack and thinks, man, I got to have her right now. It just doesn’t happen.
There’s an illusion of intimacy that you think you need in a relationship. You think you need romance, you need a candlelit dinner, you need privacy to snuggle on the couch while watching a romantic comedy.
And I’m saying you’re crazy. Because when you replay the tapes, almost every single time, when a godly guy or girl falls morally, it’s in private.
Flee, Don’t Fight
When tempted, you have to look for the back door.
No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it. 1 Cor 10:13 (ESV)
He’ll provide a way out when you are tempted. There’s always a way out. There’s always a back door. And when you’re tempted, you’ve got to go. You’ve got to go. You can’t fight lust. The Bible never, ever, ever calls us to fight lust – because you can’t win. It’s not a fight that you even have a chance this side of heaven of winning. It always says flee from lust. So when you feel tempted, get out.
If a guy does not have the maturity to control himself physically, he has no business being with a woman on a date – until he can control the passions God has given him. He’ll be nothing but dangerous for a girl.
How Far is Too Far?
That question is insane. That’s like saying how close can I get this automatic rifle to my head without blowing my head off. Ask the question: how godly can you be? And why don’t you make the aim of your time together so that the gossip after the event is how awesome you treated that girl. Where she’s telling her girlfriends you won’t believe what this guy did. He opened the door for me. He was kind to me. He never laid a hand on me. He was sweet and I never felt pressure to do anything but enjoy the moment.
Arbitrary rules don’t help in the moment. Christians will say things like: nothing lying down, nothing below the neck, and nothing comes off, as if somehow that’s the difference between appropriate and inappropriate. Honestly, you can make all the rules you want, but if you still put yourself in a bad situation, those rules are going to mean nothing. You’re going to fly by those in no time. The problem is not the surroundings; the problem is you.
This post was originally featured on The Well Blog.